How do you Handle a Rude Date?
When our usual social circle of friends and family say something rude or out of line, it can be offensive. But you're most likely to "let it slide" rather than cause any drama. But when our romantic partner does something outright rude, it can be more impactful to our daily well being. What if you're on a first date with this person (see our article on how to meet Beautiful Women in Singapore for inspiration) ? Besides being shocking, unexpected, and angering, you are also not sure if you need to give this person another chance. Do you walk out or continue being patient? How does one respond?
1. Never Tolerate a Partner who Discredits You
Life's too short to spend it with anyone who seeks to discredit you, belittle you, disparages you, or tries to pass off offending comments as a joke. Be honest about your reaction, if you feel insulted by their "joke", don't be manipulated into thinking it's your fault you are upset. It's your right to be offended and dissatisfied with anyone who puts you down. If they retort to your feelings with "you're being too serious, it was just a joke" - be wary. Most likely it was not just a joke, and they are actually a negative manipulative person. 2. Envision Your Response Before Responding
First dates can be a nervous experience for both parties. Perhaps your partner is just trying too hard to impress you, or something may have "come out wrong". Before you retort, envision your response a few times in your head - is this something you really want to say? This is a great time to take a sip of wine or look to your phone for a few moments to take a deep breathe. How do you really feel? Words once said, are not things we can take back. Do you want to let it go for now, or address it for clarification? Often times we are only affected by those persons whose opinions we actually care about. A healthy relationship is open to discussion, and an emotionally mature person will not be affected by either compliments or insults. If your partner on a first date is clearly disrespecting you, a healthy response is to stop engaging with them. They are clearly a waste of your time and energy. Do not take it personally, they clearly treat everyone that way. Leave if you feel need to, or continue observing them to gage if it's a simple misunderstanding. Why does a partner behave rudely? Are they feeling first date nerves or are they simply an awkward person? Do they have a history of abuse from significant others? It is not an excuse for how they treat you, but it can help you understand their rationale. Do they clearly have emotional or ego issues? Do they obviously have questionable upbringing? Do you feel compassion for them, do you want to stick around and work on things or is it better to just get this date over and done with?
3. Always Set Your Boundaries
Do not live with your annoyances silently. There's no reason to be rude or dramatic, but setting clear boundaries early in a date can help the relationship going forward. "I feel like I need to address that comment you made earlier... " or "Can we clarify what you meant by...", keeps the conversation light without pushing anyone onto the defensive. If it becomes childish arguing back and forth, or they are clearly not a mature individual - disengage. No need to waste your time, and they clearly don't deserve your second thought.
Many people may blurt out ridiculous things they don't mean when nervous, so it's worth giving a first date the benefit of a doubt. But if you see a pattern of malicious or rude undertones in anyone's behavior and communication, it may be time to move on. The company you keep greatly influences your well being and image, so protect yourself from toxic unhappy people. Surround yourself with positive people who lift you up. Because life's too short to waste on unhappiness and stress!